I gave up on my 365 Grateful on a very sunny, beautiful autumn day. As I’ve been dreading the greyness of winter, the sunshine has just decided to heal my sorrow.

I probably owe an apology to my readers for not keeping my promise and I have reasons, of course. I loved the challenge and it was a challenge. A lot of discipline too which I managed for more than three months. It’s taught me a lot. I’ve achieved my expectation to teach myself to be present in the moment. I focused on what’s important, what’s valuable. I’ve learnt to skip the clutter that comes with certain commitments and interactions.

Yet, there was a lot that I was grateful and I chose not to photograph. The moments needed to be lived rather than looking for the camera, trying to freeze the moment. There was once a young boy walking on our street with two massive suitcases, trying to get to the station. I had both my children in the car. I stopped and offered him a lift to the train station. My daughter was fascinated by me and the gratefulness on the young man’s face was to be framed but obviously I couldn’t photograph the moment.

Then there was this beautiful lady I met at the park the other day. She was supervising her grand children and I was with my little monkeys. As Kaan being himself and making me run after him all the time, this lady kept an eye on Ada, pushed her on the swing, lifted her up to the monkey bar despite my constant warnings that she might be too heavy for her. We made friends right there, right then. She said she loves Turkish coffee. I ran home and made us a delicious cup of coffee and had it at the park over a beautiful chat. The kids made friends and had wonderful time. I couldn’t photograph the moment. It was just delightful to be in it.

Then I was at Amiconi’s the other night, my photographs are being displayed on the wall as a little exhibition. I kept over hearing people praising them constantly. It was grandly satisfying, I couldn’t photograph it.

And there was a morning, I was coming back from an early morning photo shoot. I’d woken up at 5am, dead tired from the night before. I literally had to curse myself for over committing but by 9am, my shoot was done and on the way back, there was this massive relief of achievement, satisfaction surrounded my whole being that I couldn’t photograph. A sense of satisfaction that comes with giving, is the best you can experience and this was one of a kind. I lived the moment but no single photo could’ve matched it.

And there are those endless moments that Ada and Kaan play together these days, getting us involved. We are constantly chasing or running around the house. As soon as you lie down on the flour, Kaan comes, sits on your tummy and starts a horsy ride.
They were playing together the other day. Kaan got too excited and bit Ada’s arm. Ada started crying. I told Kaan off, a bit too loud so he started crying but in the meantime he patted Ada’s arm for an apology. I was just amazed. Ada was crying with those big tears but she was so taken by that little pat, she gave Kaan the biggest hug. She was hurting but so happy he tried to calm her down. I couldn’t photograph the moment, just lived it.

Apologies for stopping but I feel very satisfied.